EP 26 - Straight Up. 🍸 Extra Dirty: We Couldn't Stop Talking About Balls

L.A. had one goal: teach Mikey G how to make homemade energy balls.

That goal lasted approximately three seconds.

What follows is a short but spectacular train wreck filled with nonstop double entendres, debates about grooming preferences, peanut butter mishaps, pickleball references, questionable life advice, and enough ball jokes to carry an entire season of the podcast. 

Somewhere in the middle of the chaos, a batch of energy balls is actually made. Whether they turned out edible is another story.

This may be our shortest episode ever, but it might also be one of the funniest. Every ingredient, every instruction, and every attempt at staying focused immediately spirals into complete madness.

🥜 Homemade Energy Balls
 😂 Unfiltered Conversations
 🎙️ Zero Self-Control
 🔥 Maximum Chaos

If you've ever wondered what happens when two people abandon the script, ignore all common sense, and let the conversation go wherever it wants, this episode is your answer.

Warning: Contains peanut butter, immaturity, and absolutely no adult supervision. 🤣🥜🎙️🔥

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:17

We are making energy balls. We're gonna do balls today. How do you feel about balls? How do you feel? Tell me how you really feel about balls. Because you're down close and you know, up close and personal with them probably more than I am. So what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Well, I think balls are just like anything else. Like, you know, some people, some people's are small, some people's are big. Like it's like being a redhead or a brunette. Like they're just all different.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Do you prefer them shaved or do you like them clean? You like them hairy? Like what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

I don't like loose hair.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

So like if there's how do you how do you uh do you shave them or do you wax them? You can't wax your balls, can you?

SPEAKER_00 0:58

You can get anything to your balls. You can actually uh have your balls uh like lasered to get rid of the hair.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Laser? I can't even think about that. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Yeah, I didn't do it. Just saying. Do you know somebody that's it?

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Have you ever been with one that was?

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I've Have I ever been with a guy that has had their balls lasered? I had a guy that had them all lasered. Front, back.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Your husband completely lasered off?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

No, not my husband. Oh.

unknown 1:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I don't know. I for me, like it's a little bit weird, like when there's no hair down there, it's like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Is it kind of like young boyish kind of stuff?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah, it's like it kind of gives me pedophile-ish vibe, you know, like the rule is you know, there has to be grass on the field to play ball. Like you can't, like, you know what I'm saying? Like the Can I have a sip of your drink, please? I think I need a sip of your drink. So if a guy pulls down his his pants and there's not even a stubble is better than bald, you know, like a little something, a little shzh. Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, but what about shaving everything off?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Shit, well, again, I feel like that's weird.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Like, you like because there are some people that like really hairy men, and then there are some that don't. So are you one that does, don't? Or it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

It's all about the I like Bush, but I don't I don't like it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

You're a Bush guy? I never ever would have guessed that.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Why?

SPEAKER_01 2:23

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

You just Do I look like I put my pinky up when I drink my tea?

unknown 2:27

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Just saying, like Alright, let's get started making balls. All right, let's make these balls real quick.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

We're gonna all right, so this is energy balls. These are like LA's energy balls. So what we have is peanut butter. This is so simple. You could do this with your eyes closed while you're drinking that. It's perfect. I you could pop one of these every morning, you can pop it at night, doesn't matter. It's a great morning thing. So it's made with peanut butter, dark chocolate, you can make any kind of chocolate. You can actually make this with anything you want, but I prefer dark chocolate because it's healthier.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

I like mulatto chocolate.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Hemp seeds. Hemp seeds for, you know, keeping happy, rolled oats, little bit of splash of uh vanilla that I got from Dominican Republic. Oh no, that's actually vinegar. That's vinegar.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

You don't want vinegar balls. We don't want vinegar balls. We didn't want vinegar balls.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

That was fing hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

That was fing hilarious. That was a pickled ball.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

So right now we're going to take the peanut butter. We're gonna take one tablespoon of peanut butter.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

And when I say tablespoon, I mean a tablespoons.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

This is way too creamy. Alright, I gotta break out the good stuff.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Alright, that's way too late.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Not nutty enough.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

No, it's not. Alright, here's what I want you to do. That is not good. Alright, here's what I would like you to do. Not with a four. Alright, I know what I'm gonna do. Alright, hold on. Alright, I need you to wet your hands, please.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Wetting my hands.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Wet your hands.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Uh I'm getting ready for balls. I'm getting ready for balls. These are gonna be the best balls you've ever had. Should I have the water on warm or cool?

SPEAKER_01 4:22

No, no, no. You just want to wet your hands so they don't get sticky with the sock.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Okay. So now we're gonna do this. Let me have your hand. Okay. Now I want you to dip it, roll it in each one of these things, and then I'm gonna have you make them. There you go. Get it all mushed up. Like you're making a meatball. Remember when you you make meatballs? You're half Italian, aren't you? Come on, Mikey G.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Are you kidding me? That was the first lesson.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Meatballs or balls?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Balls and meatballs.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Balls and meatballs.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Okay. Well, once you get a good meatball, then you're good with balls. Alright. So this is what it's. Now what?

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Now put it on this wax paper. Because what we're gonna do is, there you go. We can usually I go like this.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Scooping. Scooping peanut butter.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Scoop peanut butter.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Can I do a bigger ball or bigger ball?

SPEAKER_01 5:16

We're gonna need a bigger scoop. We're gonna need a bigger bowl.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

You're usually gonna need a bigger scoop. And I would maybe I should put cold water on my hands so that the peanut butter is. It doesn't stick. It doesn't stick. Well it's you know sticking.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

It's gonna be messy. I didn't say it was good. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna make these, and then we're gonna put them in the refrigerator and they're gonna set. And then you could pop this every morning, you can pop one in your mouth, and you got a little bit of process.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

So they're gonna get firm when you put them in the fridge?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yeah, just like when you put them in your mouth.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

That's what I was gonna say. Well, you know, I was gonna say actually when they get cold is when they get firm, you know, they're gonna retract and pull in and well, so now that's pr pretty much all I'm gonna do right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

So do you get the idea?

SPEAKER_00 5:57

I get the idea, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

This is just not a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

We're gonna pop it in the fridge. Are we gonna pop it in?

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Not happy right now the way this is coming out.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

So much perfectly with peanut butter peanut butter.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

It does, it does, it does. So now if I took this, I put it in the refrigerator, which I didn't do, and make it ahead of time a few, so you can know what it tastes like when it's completely chilled. But when it's chilled, it'll set. You know what I'm saying? So here's what I'm gonna do. Instead, this is what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

So we made three balls. We made three balls.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

This recipe is real simple, and I just made it very complicated. But here's how it works: simple peanut butter. I roll it in, put it in hemp seed, dark chocolate chips, roll it up in oats, you take it, you put it in the ball in your hand. We tried, it got a little mushy, and then you take it in this and you put it in the refrigerator and you let it chill for an hour so it gets it all set. And then once it's set, you can keep it in the refrigerator for 30 uh 30 days at least. And you pop them every morning. It's an energy thing because there's a lot of sugar in there.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

You gotta pop your balls every morning.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

You gotta pop your balls. So you can taste it now that it's even though it's here. Taste your ball. Tell me what you think. Now it's mushy, but if it was an in the refrigerator a little bit, it wouldn't be so much.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Oh wait, this is gonna be one of those like a camel. Just eat the camel! Oh, oh my bowls have been hard.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

How do you get your balls hard?

SPEAKER_00 7:35

I told you this is gonna be a long time. Listen, maybe we need some Maybe we need to wash it down with some hairy balls. Some peanut butter.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Is this what happens? Oh my god. When you get baited before you pick. I knew it. I don't know how Snoop Dogg does this. I need to bring Snoop Dogg on. I don't know how the hell he does this. You gotta kill him first. I need Snoop. Snoop, can you come here please? Close on them.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

That was a mouthful.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Snoop. That's what he said. Uh-huh. Well, alright. And that concludes this episode of How to Keep Balls Out of Your Mouth.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Well, or put them in. Or put them in when they're mushing. Oh my god. Dying over here. Okay, words of the wise. I can barely breathe through this. Don't bake when you're baked.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

When you're baked, don't bake. We didn't bake, but we're baked.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Always baked.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Always baked. Alright. Alright. I need something dry. I don't know what peanut butter though. I think I had a mouthful of it if it's enough.